Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Some Days

Today is just not my day.

I don't know what it is. Just some days I wake up, and I feel like I just want to punch something. Or perhaps multiple things.

I'm not generally like this; I usually get along with people just fine. However, some days it's hard to control myself.

I personally love school; everyone always looks at me weird for that. But today I just didn't feel like doing it. I pushed through of course, as I certainly had to, but I didn't want to. Not at all.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened. It kind of makes me uncomfortable; the fact that sometimes I can't control myself. That's something I really don't enjoy. Being out of control. I don't like anything that makes me feel like someone else is stronger than me, or that I can't control exactly what is going on.

That's why I took martial arts. And sometimes that helps me release my tension anyways.

However, there are a few other things that help me through these tough days. Sometimes (most days) I just laze around all day watching television or browsing tumblr. And there's nothing wrong with that. It helps me a lot sometimes.

But other times I just need to get out. Maybe not of the neighborhood, per say, but just out of the house. I go for a run, or just do something that's overall athletic, and I feel better again.

That didn't work for me today.

Sometimes I try to write. That's what I'm doing right now. Trying to get all of these thoughts, these emotions out of my head. But as of right now, that's not working either.

Sometimes I try to make myself laugh. I watch youtube videos and stand up comedians; try to do something, anything to help me. I haven't tried that yet. Maybe it'll work. Probably not.

Some of my days are just like this. I don't know why, and I would love to get rid of it. It's a part of me that I can't control, and that's what scares me most.

I know this is extra serious in comparison to my normal, lighthearted behavior.

But on these kinds of days I just can't bother to be energetic. I can't bother to be funny.

I have to simply exist, and hope that I get out of my fuck soon. That's where I'm at right now. If anybody has any ideas of what I could do to try to get rid of this, I'd be eternally grateful. If not, that's fine too. I'll be here tomorrow.


My name is Jordan, I'm 16 years old, and I like to think I'm funny. If you want to subscribe to my youtube channel, there's a button in the sidebar! Thanks for visiting and I love you all!

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